Gas Light: More Than a Movie

When my sister in-law, Gemel, told me about Gas Light, I thought it was just a name of a movie. The 1944 film, Gas Light, starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer is a psychological-thriller adapted from Patrick Hamilton’s 1939 play of the same title.

Gas Light, is about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is going insane. The wife is depicted as very impressionable so much so that her family was very protective of her. Eventually she grew up and married a man who clearly knew and abused his influence and control over his wife. Ultimately, he nearly leads her to believe she’s  insane. If proven that the wife is insane, the husband stood to control her very large estate. 

Gemel later shared a TED Talk with me. During the talk, a young lady describes her relationship with her mother growing up. According to the speaker, her mother led her to believe that what she saw, heard  and experienced on a regular basis was not true... was not reality. 

See, gaslighting is an extreme form of manipulation. Gaslighting causes its victims to perish in flames of lies, conniving deception and willful blindness to the truth—- and of course with gaslighter’s defense of not intending to cause harm, a reckless disregard for the truth.

So, what do you do if you have a relationship with a gaslighter?
1. Assess your circle

On a macro level: think of all the people you are friends with on social media, all that you follow or vice versa. On a micro level: think of all the people you speak to, share pleasantries and/or consider to be friends. Are those individuals really your friends? Does your interaction with any of those individuals uplift or drain you?

2. Remain confident in your gut instinct, beliefs, interpretation

I’ve heard it said, “when people show you who they are, believe them.” How long will you allow yourself to be subject to situations that insult your intelligence? If you sense that something is not right with any relationship, take the time to seriously think about that relationship and determine whether it is worthwhile to invest your time and energy in it any further.

3. Set boundaries

It is essential that you are aware of what depletes your energy. You should not continue to exert energy trying to determine if a person is telling you the truth, is truly sincere in apologizing or whether the person is taking advantage of you. Pay attention to how you feel in the midst interactions and your responses. There comes a time when you will need to protect yourself from what causes you to feel drained. I suggest limiting time spent on certain people including family and “friends” in order to preserve your mental health and energy.

4. Extinguish the flame

Continuing to engage a person that lights the gas in your life will cause the flames to grow. Starve the flames by directing your time and energy to the things that serve you and help you to reach your life’s goals. Burning up in the flames set by others will prevent you from moving forward and reaching your goals.

5. Let go

Refer to my article Money Trap Hack. We all have been in situations where we simply have to decide that enough is enough. When you determine that time, you will be able to accept that you did all that you could do. With your mental health as a top priority, you will realize that you have to let go of toxic situations, and yes… people.