Relation-Trips
How did you develop your expectations of a relationship with another person… your mother… your father... your children… your significant other? It seems that many relationships are based on societal views, gender norms and/or family traditions. As you get older, you may realize that many relationships have been roller coaster rides, draining long-distance trips, full of turbulence or smooth sails—- relation-trips.
I always pictured myself being a sort of June Cleaver mom. Before I had a family, I envisioned having after school snacks readily available when my children came home from school. For me, I wanted to go to college, have a successful, well-paying career, get married, have a nice home, 2.5 kids, and a dog. Speeding through it all, it seemed that I accomplished all of those things, until I hit a speed bump without slowing down. The whiplash of life redirected me to the corner of Acknowledge Avenue and Acceptance Boulevard. Leave it to Beaver is not reality and my life was not what I expected.
As my oldest son once described, “marriage is like betting half of what you own that you love another person.” While the data from some states are excluded, in general, the 2,132,853 marriages in 2018 far outnumber divorces according to the Center for Disease Control. Reality is that relationships are what they are. Whatever your expectations are, they are bound to be unfulfilled if you do not have real, transparent conversations before you commit to spending the rest of your life with another person.
BE HONEST!
What are your expectations in a marriage?
Are you in it for the long haul, no matter what?
What are your deal breakers?
If ever there are examples of relation-trip endurance tests, think about Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, Beyonce and Jay-Z or more recently, Will and Jada.
The popular question of the week: “What do you think about Will and Jada?”
My response: For years, it seems that people have questioned whether Will and Jada have an open marriage. Over the years, neither of them has used the exact words “yes” or “no” to answer the lingering question. The responses have generally been vague and broad; leaving room for interpretation. My interpretation is that their marriage may not be “open,” but anything either of them do with others is not necessarily a deal breaker.
Ultimately, it ain’t none of my business and surely their relationship ain’t putting food on my table or leading to the arrest of all that were involved in Breonna Taylor’s murder and lying to her mother.
#JusticeforBreonnaTaylor