Stop Beating Yourself Up! Show Appreciation for You!

During my first national live TV interview, I had the opportunity to discuss self-care with four amazing co-hosts of the TV talk show Sister Circle Live. Co-host Summer Jackson asked how one can start a self-assessment. Another co-host, Quad Webb-Lunceford, added “how do you recognize when you are self-criticizing?” My response included a brief description of the phrase “positive criticism.” Positive criticism is the same/similar as constructive criticism. Constructive criticism allows you to be gentle with yourself. Constructive criticism allows you to take the time to recognize and appreciate your accomplishments while acknowledging what you still need to do to reach your goals. With constructive criticism, you are able to establish your next steps after learning from your mistakes, determining how you can do better and incorporating researched best practices that you may not have thought of before.

On the opposite end of the scale is the self-destructive act of putting yourself down with negative self-criticism. While watching RBG (2018), a documentary about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg on Lifetime, I was introduced to Pauli Murray (Anna Pauline “Pauli” Murray, 1910-1985). Pauli was a trailblazer who made history in her own right. Her work was so admired by then Attorney Thurgood Marshall that he changed his theory of the case in arguing Brown v. Board of Education based on Murray’s law school work—- the only female in her class and the top graduate of her class. Her work was subsequently used by an ACLU attorney—one Ruth Bader Ginsburg—to convince the Supreme Court that the Equal Protection Clause applies to women. As the co-founder of the National Organization of Women and first African American woman to be ordained as an Episcopal priest, Pauli is an unsung hero and inspiration that many may never know without seeing RBG or On the Basis of Race (2018). I encourage you to read about Pauli’s life story. You will learn of her many accomplishments throughout the early 19th century despite the injustices she endured based on her race and gender in addition to her many disappointments because of the same. However, she pressed on. You can too.

In the words of Murray in RBG, “Stop beating yourself up. Show appreciation for you.” Take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your wins big and small. If you did not accomplish all that you wanted, don’t beat yourself up with coulda, woulda, shoulda’s... you didn’t. So, lick your wounds, evaluate where you left off and move forward from there. You are a winner. Go win!